Friendship, Help in Need and Expectations

Today, everywhere I look, it is #Fakefriends and #RipAchiengAbura.
We should know why we have friends and we should also know that help is highly psychological and it does not just come. 

Some friends are purely drinking buddies
Some friends are only so because they are work mates
Some friends are friends because we enjoy banter or mshene together
Some friends are friends because we enjoy arguing together, we have a similar political persuasion or we hail from same village.
Some friends are friends purely because we support the same football team
All these are friends and they are good to have in your life. Celebrate them and thank God for their presence in your life.

But there are friends who are friends because we stand by each other. Such are the friends you have to know and invest your everything in. Yes, the friends you go to when you are broke and they have the courage to lend you that 500 Kshs.

However, even as we want friends who can help us, let us remember that human beings are rational animals. If they have seen you on television and your fame is larger than life, they might easily reason that you must have some assets on you that you will rely on in case of trouble. If friends see you driving a 3 million worth of a car, they will not take you very seriously when you appeal for their help. When seeking for help, you real have to communicate how dire the situation is and people have to really see that you really need their help. On social media, you have to learn the psychology of giving.... people give when others are giving.

Finally, just be the friend you want others to be. Help as many friends.... not by buying them beer; help them in their real needs and be there for them in their challenges. Help often works on reciprocity basis; for not so close friends, they help because they believe they will be helped in return. Thus it is easier to find help in circles of reciprocity; e.g. in a chama where all can feel compelled to give when a member is in need. Help as many people as possible but it helps to help those who are bosom friends and are truly part of your life. 

However, guard your expectations on others.Remember some people are just friends because you share an interest.... which has nothing with helping each other. Alternatively, check perceptions; some friends may believe or may have bigger problems, some do not see the urgency of your problems, some imagine other solutions you could harness rather than ask for their help.... it is just a tricky world.

To have someone you can laugh with, talk to, complain to, cry with or just sit with.... that is the essence of friendship!!


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